OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
