I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
