Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Randomize
