You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
