I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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