I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
