I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
