I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
