I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
