I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
