Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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