hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
