I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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