brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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