I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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