The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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