Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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