I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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