Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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