It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we made out on top of his cat.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize