Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
