Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
