he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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