Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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