I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
