Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
