shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
