Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
