At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
