U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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