i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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