I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
