Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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