dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
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I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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