my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sext me about skeletons
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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