My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We have started to decorate penises.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
