So gin and wine won't be happening again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
