its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
