I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
