i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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