Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize