I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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