Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
