sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
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It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
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Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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