the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
