Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
