sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize