My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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