My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
