I cannot find my penis.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
