i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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