I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Someone came in the potted fern
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
