dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she peed on how many people?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize