i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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