Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
