the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
