she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
