everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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