I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
